They say that Sunday is the start of a new week. I say that Sunday is the first day of the rest of my life. Both are truths. Today is the first day of the rest of my life (OK, OK, so I am not being original here - someone else came up with that 'pearl'). But it is my truth. And since it is my truth, it is also a truth I chose to live by. There are yesterdays in my life (all right, all right, there are MANY yesterdays in my life). I would prefer they be a few less yesterdays but there are many tomorrows also. But most important of all, there is a Today!! For that 'today' I chose to rejoice in. Because it is all I truly have. It is all we all truly have. Gosh I am full of cliches this Sunday.
When I got up this morning, I saw it was going to be a sunny day. I have not yet gone outside, so I prefer to look at the sun and pretend that it is not only a sunny day, but a warm one. I do not go outside first thing in the mornings anymore to have a smoke, so I can imagine that today is a nice 15C if I want to. Yes, that will do. Because I can then also let my imagination soar and feel the pretend warthm outside, pretending that golfing season is right around the corner. If I have any doubts about that, I can turn on the TV and watch the Golf Channel. How I am looking forward to golfing this year!!! My husband is retiring at the end of May and we actually bought a golf membership. Thoughts of little white balls fill my mind (and those little balls are not made of snow either). To be out on a golf course, with the silence surrounding me (except for shouts of 'fore' (for which I duck my head a little), with the grass green, with trees that I always manage to avoid (there is a sense of peace in knowing that I cannot hit a ball hard enough for it to slice or hook), to hear the squirrels chirping on some distant tree, to see the birds in the sky (having no fear of being hit by my balls), I am filled with what can only be described as a sense of yearning. With a golf membership, I can play whenever I want to without any thought of cost. It gives one the freedom to decide at the last minute to go play 9 holes, or even 18 if it is not a busy day.
I love my Big Bertha. I often caress it gently. Not only because it gives me an extra 50 feet of distance, but because it is my brother's last gift to me before he passed away in 2006. Has it been that long? He sent it to me a few months before he had his massive heart attack (and many of you may not believe this, but he passed away on the 18th hole at the Montreal Golf Club, while taking out his putter). So this Big Bertha and golfing hold a special place in my heart. For whenever I pick it up, I think of him and somehow, I know he is 'somewhere' thinking of me.
I believe that we all have a connection with those who have gone before us. By 'gone', yes, I do mean 'passed on', 'died' 'went to a better place' ... however you want to word it. I am not a religious person because I believe that religion is for those who fear going to hell. But I am a spiritual person because I believe that one is spiritual because one has already been to hell. Sounds drastic eh? Well, if one has a loved one with a mental illness, one knows what hell is. When one sees a love one suffer such a fate, one knows that that person has experienced a hell like no-one else has. When my son once told me 'I don't believe in God because if there is no God, there can be no devil' and I cried. The demon of mental illness had a hold on him for such a long time. But I knew my son was looking at me for reassurance so I told him 'it is OK to not believe in God. You do not have to believe in God for God to believe in you' (an original one from me rather than a cliche). And I truly believe he clung to those words in his darkness. For when he emerged back into the light, he led me back to a church - where he felt comfortable and where I therefore felt comfortable.
Yes, today is Sunday. Today is sunny, today is a day that brings thoughts of golfing, today is a day that brings back memories of those who have gone before us, today is a day that makes me reflect on how grateful I am to have a son who has not been hospitalized for almost 4 years and therefore, today is a day I bless.
No comments:
Post a Comment