Saw the urologist this morning. I had passed a kidney stone a few weeks ago and had had problems with blood in uring and doctor had made an appointment with a urologist.
He does not mix words. Said it might not have been the warfarin nor the anti-biotics that had caused my bleeding - that there was a slight chance that it was, but usually blood in the urine is a sign of something being wrrong.
So, on August 31st, I will be having a cystroscopy done and will wait to be notified for a CT Scan of Kidneys (using iodine thru IV). Fun. Am not nervous, becaue I truly believe there is nothing wrong in that department (with my kidneys, bladder or the pipes leading to them). But I guess, like he said, better to be safe than sorry.
Seems like my body is breaking down. But I refuse to bellieve that. I prefer to believe that I will have all these tests done and be told that all is working fine and that I will live to be a ripe old age, in fine health in mind and body.
It does make me think about my life though and the years gone by - what would I have done differently? Oh a whole bunch of things. As a matter of fact, most things. Do I have regrets? Yup. A lot? Yup. My greatest accomplishment? My son of course. He is the reason I was put on this earth. I thank heavens for him. The rest of my life? Sooooooo many things I would do differently. As a matter of fact, I think I would have done everything differently. My life as I now know it would not be what it is. Sounds awful eh? Not really. I know there were reasons I made certain choices and I live with those choices every day. And I accept the decisions I made, and I am OK with them.
There are many 'what ifs' in my life. But I do not dwell on them (except while writing this post). Tomorrow I will accept what is, and enjoy life to the best of my ability. And appreciate all that I have. But just for today, when I think 'what things are you thankful for?' the only answer I have is my son. It is my truth at the moment, my reality.
I do know that tomorrow I will have a different outlook and I look forward to tomorrow. For tonight, it is OK to feel the way I do. I won't apologize for being who I am. (I think I have that saying on my facebook page - that 'never apologize for who you are, it is like apologizing for being real'. I am real at this moment in time and my feelings are open. People will read this (or maybe not) - but my thoughts are here. If only for me to read. And I accept myself.
Maybe it is time to rent that red Mazda Miata convertible....... :o) :o) :o) :)
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